I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
Randomize
