STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
if I was any more soft right now, my penis would be a liquid
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Randomize
