The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
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