I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
