party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
only if we run a train.
done.
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
You told me that you would let her eat cake off of your ass, then fell asleep on the floor
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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