I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
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I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
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