why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
Randomize
