i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I think my fart just growled at me.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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