The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize