Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
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