Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
