I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Randomize
