Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
Randomize
