Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Randomize