found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
..and it was like all of a sudden I could hear the sounds my brain was making
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
