he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
about to play the homeward bound drinking game. alone. what are you doing tonight?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
