If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
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