I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
