Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
