I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
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I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
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She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
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