It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize
