Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize