The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
We can use the Mac n cheese as the potatoes in our breakfast burritos. Problem solved.
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