fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
i have only one word for you: 3somewithnorwegiangirls
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
I showed him my toy collection and he goes, "You won't need those anymore," and dropped his pants. I threw the House of Pleasure out last night.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Randomize
