I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
