1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Steven and I talked about running for office again today. It's fucked that my 3 dream jobs are marijuana bakery owner, bar owner, and president.
Randomize
