I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
Richard, I just read on your Twitter account that you have enjoyed a, "Much needed post birthday smoothie..."...A bit revealing, no?
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
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I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
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I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?