My balls are so social today.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"