When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
you win again, gameday.
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
29 People Confess The Worst Example Of Dirty Talk They’ve Ever Heard
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
21 Women Compare Anal and Vaginal Sex
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year