Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
10+ Incredible Tumblr Stories That Will Leave You Shook
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
16 People Who Have Raised The Bar For Petty Revenge
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.