Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
She bit a glass in half.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?