A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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