I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
Randomize
