i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
