If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
