How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Responsibility does not care about your dick.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
She just hopped out of the car at a red light to pet the baby Jesus in the nativity scene.
Not worth it.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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