Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I donβt think anyone caught on
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP ππππ
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