Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
I had just gotten to his place and was about to get some dick. No way was I gonna let her negative attitude affect my orgasm feng shui
Randomize
