We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
Randomize
