I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Randomize
