I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
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