Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
My roommate was tripping balls last night, he kept me up all fucking night
Roommate? Please tell me you're not calling your cat your roommate
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
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