mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
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