Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Woke up this morning with a darth vader helmet and a bath robe on with my toenails shitly painted
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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