I just saw a hot homeless man
I accidentally burped into my bong.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
new girl just came onto the hall stumbling drunk with no shoes on and the guy who brought her doesn't have them either
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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