You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
My dog just threw up a condom. Sorry for accusing you of not wearing one, I found it now.
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
I'm pretty sure you and I ate the entire Keebler elf weed workshop
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I think i got beer on your cat.
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
Randomize
