hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
He felt like a one man threesome
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
