"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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