I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
