The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
We won like $80 last night at the casino, so if we get the Plan B we still have enough to get your basic bitch latte from Dunkin. Calm down.
Randomize
