things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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