I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
Can we skype so I'm not drinking alone?
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