On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
