my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
