margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize