Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
