I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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