there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
