paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
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He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
Oh and probably wearing a life jacket instead of clothes didn't help things either
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can you bring me the toilet please
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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